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Ups jokes

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Only the apple got picked up.

Why is a giraffe's neck so long?

Because his head is so high up in the air.

Little Steven was scared to take a shower by himself, so he asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don’t look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that’s a Pu-pu-pu Bush!!

The next day Steven’s mom wasn’t home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don’t look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it’s a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don’t look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There’s a snake in the bush.

I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.

It didn't land too well.

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    • Did you know emo kids are the highest jumpers in the world? Some are still up there!

    What do Call of Duty players say when they shoot up a school?

    654-721-8940

    (If you understand the joke, you're a god.)

    A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.

    Do you know the teacher that went up into space?

    You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."

    Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.

    So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."

    Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?

    I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.

    A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.

    One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

    The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

    The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

    And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

    The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”

    POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"

    Dr. Seuss died September 24, but that was a lie. Dr. Seuss, when he was 97, he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes, Dr. Seuss allahuakbar.”

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    • Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.