Ups

Ups jokes

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(True story)

One day Sally's mom said, "I can just eat you up!" And Sally says, "No, you can't!" Then the mom asks why and Sally says, "Because I'm a beaner, and we don't taste good."

I was at work yesterday and I saw this kid crying. I went up to him and asked him where his parents were, and he started to cry even more. Gosh, don't you just love working at the orphanage?

Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"

EVERYONE:

"My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?"

What does a school bus crash and a train crash have in common?

They always line up.

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

A train walks into a bar. It says to the barkeeper, "I'll have a gallon of ale."

"A gallon?" the barkeeper asks.

"Yes," replies the train, "I always end up chugging it."

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Only the apple got picked up.

Why is a giraffe's neck so long?

Because his head is so high up in the air.

Little Steven was scared to take a shower by himself, so he asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don’t look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that’s a Pu-pu-pu Bush!!

The next day Steven’s mom wasn’t home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don’t look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it’s a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don’t look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There’s a snake in the bush.

I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.

It didn't land too well.

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    • Did you know emo kids are the highest jumpers in the world? Some are still up there!

    What do Call of Duty players say when they shoot up a school?

    654-721-8940

    (If you understand the joke, you're a god.)

    A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.

    Do you know the teacher that went up into space?

    You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."

    Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.