You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you haven't told her for twice
If BlessedBrian were ANY LESS intelligent, he’d have to be WATERED twice a week
ur mom is so fat thanos had to snap twice
My wife is so fat. After sex I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "everytime someone lies, it ticks once, Mother Terresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, " Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
When hitler killed himself he shot himself twice, the first one was operation Barbarossa and the second one was his death
I am not telling you twice your mouth stinks so go burns your house down like a crazy mad women and I will call the cop like WTH because you are so fat
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex...
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times
If a girl says no twice 🤔. Mathematically that’s a yes , so you’re good to go
a man dies and goes to heaven he sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for, he replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. he said that mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincon's once, and George Washington's never. the man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Bidden's is the one keeping the hurricane's to speed
Once I went to a museum and over heard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"oh cool"
"this is mother Teresa's clock, the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense"
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
Yo mama so black when god saw her he said (let the be light) but twice
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
Your mama is so fat. I had to look twice to get a first impression.
By the time I ran my wife over with my car. I had to stop for gas twice.
My friend is so ugly she got surgery twice but not even that could fix her 0-0
what do you say if you are raped once but feel raped twice 'i was raped raped'
It was so windy I saw a chicken lay the same egg twice!! JAC
The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her. When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth. She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me..... twice; that is if you are not too tired.
