Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.
Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?
Why aren't emos and trees friends? Because the tree leaves them hanging.
Radiohead had to remake "Fake Plastic Trees" after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.
Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?
Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.
Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.
Your family tree looks like a circle 💀💀💀
A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid.
Man: "Hang in there! I'm gonna get some help!"
Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said.
RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)
Daniel committed suicide five years ago today......
I gave a tree a high five, but sadly it left me hanging.
What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?
Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.
A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
