Tree jokes
Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.
Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?
Radiohead had to remake "Fake Plastic Trees" after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Why aren't emos and trees friends? Because the tree leaves them hanging.
Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?
Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.
Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
Your family tree looks like a circle 💀💀💀
A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid.
Man: "Hang in there! I'm gonna get some help!"
Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said.
RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)
Daniel committed suicide five years ago today......
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
I gave a tree a high five, but sadly it left me hanging.
What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?
Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.