Tree jokes
A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
you.
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. "They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes!"
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."
The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are actually picked.
What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?
An orphan.
Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!
When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.
What did the rope and the tree say to the kid?
Do you want to hang later?
I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.
Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!