Tree jokes
Shortly after the hole was finished, everyone in the forest was looking for long grass to fill the hole. The upper layer covered it with short grass and scattered some grass around the hole so it didn't seem as conspicuous. The next evening, the villagers hid in their houses and turned off the lights and waited inside, while one of the farmers stood outside and, if possible, unobtrusively skimped on a cart.
Around midnight, the Headless Rider appeared with his horse in the village. He saw the seemingly single peasant scooping his hay and rode towards him. He was about to swing his axe, and while he was doing so, he overlooked the slightly more scattered grass near the farmer – and thus fell into the trap. He clumsily slumped into the prefabricated hole together with his horse and now lay there helplessly inside, together with his horse, which swayed in panic as the rider's axe was stuck in its back.
When the villagers heard this, they all stormed out of the houses to surround the hole. They saw the Headless Rider, and when he noticed all the villagers around him, he cursed: “Gaaah! You stupid villagers caught me! I can't do much down here. I give up.” The villagers took his axe away from him. Now they only needed a just punishment for the rider.
One of the villagers shouted: “We should tie him to a rope and hang him! He tried to kill us all and plagued us for a long time. So we should kill him and let him suffer for a long time!” The other villagers agreed with him. So they tied a thick rope to a branch of a large tree that stood in the village garden. The villagers took the Headless Rider out of the hole and dragged him to the rope. As they were about to hang the rope around his neck, they noticed that something didn't fit in their plan to hang the Headless Rider. Then the Headless Rider cried out: “You stupid mortals, I have no head at all! Why are you trying to hang me?”
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
What falls from the tree first, the autistic retard or the apple?
The apple, because the rope caught the autistic retard.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this one's gonna blow!
Trees are just bushes with lift kits.
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
What tree is every emo kid trying to find?
The hanging tree.
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
What did the tree do when the bank closed?
It started its own branch.
If a tree could be any animal, what would it be?
Answer: A dog because of its bark lol. 😀
What's a rapper's favorite kind of tree?
CYPRESS HILL.
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
Somewhere out there, a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for BLESSEDBRIAN. I think he owes it an apology.
What do you call a group of black men hanging from a tree?
Alabama wind chimes.
Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.
I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.