Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

The teacher asked her class to use definitely in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. “The sky is definitely blue.” “Very good Kevin,but the sky can also be blue or black.” the teacher replied. Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him. And picked Annie from the back of the room. “The grass is definitely green.” “Very good Annie, but it can also be brown.” Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally she called on him. “Mines more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?” “Why no Johnny why would you ask such a question?” She questioned. “Well if they don’t have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself.”

What’s red and in a corner ? A baby with a razor blade What’s green and in a corner ? The same baby three weeks later

Why do people not play uno with Mexicans… because they are always stealing the green cards

What’s green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? – A pool table.

What’s green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

What did the green light say to the red light - don’t look I’m changing

what’s green then red all over and goes 100mph?

a frog in a blender

What’s green and smells like ham.

Kermit the frogs fingers

what is red, green, lies in a ditch and is covered in cookie crumbs?

…a girl scout that got hit by a car

What’s red and sits in the corner? A baby chewing on a razor blade.

What’s green and sits in the corner? Same baby, one week later.

What is 14 inches long and starts with D

A Dookie From GREEN DAY

What’s green and smells like bacon?

Kermit’s finger.

What’s big, green, has four legs and if it falls out of a tree it can kill you?

A pool table.

Roses are red Grass is green I think of you sucking my peen

What’s green and has wheels?

Grass. I lied about the wheels.

whats green and sings? ELVIS PARSELY!!!

When do you go on red and stop at green A watermelon

What is blue, green, flat and has teeth. The earth but I lied about the teeth

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