Green Jokes



this joke is so funny I'll bet you greened (grined)



what is red, green, lies in a ditch and is covered in cookie crumbs?

...a girl scout that got hit by a car




What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.




Mother, father and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie. During dinner time: Father: Son what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: okay! okay! I watched porn dad. Dad: what? you watched porn? you are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 yrs of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: started to laugh and said "sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!




Grass is green I am the queen if only I can see u scream or the screen

Thing that rhyme with green queen screen clean between been …………………



Your hairline is so far back that green lantern became blue torch



what terns green purple and white? A chameleon

Jack and Jill


Jack quietly crawled through Jill’s bedroom window, trying not to make a single noise. She sat on her bed, her back facing him. Jack tiptoed up behind her, laid his hands on her shoulders and said, in a rather sensual tone,


“Jack!” She yelled, “what are you doing here?”

Jack sat down next to her and smiled.

“I figured today was a good day to maybe go up to the hill?” He said.

“That sounds fun,” said Jill.

“C’mon, let’s go!”

The kids climbed down from Jill’s second story window. The frolicked around in the fields, hair swaying in the wind, as they neared the nearby hill. Jack took Jill’s hand, and they skipped up to the very top of the hill. They sat down on the bright green grass and giggled.

“You ready?” Asked Jack

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Jill replied with a wink.

Jack laid his hand on Jill’s chest, softly pushing her onto her back. He got down on his knees, and bent down to the bottom of her dress.

“I’ve waited a long time for this…” he whispered.

Jack slowly pulled up Jill’s dress with one hand, running the other up her thigh. His anticipation was building faster and faster. He looked her in the eyes as he slowly pulled down her panties. Once they were all the way off, he turned his head downward. His mouth opened, his eyes went wide. Jack was speechless. Before he could say anything, Jill slammed his head down, gagging him with her giant cock. She sat up as she slammed his head up and down. Jack began to feel dizzy as he gagged and coughed.

“Silly Jack, didn’t you know? I’m not Jill. I never was. My name’s Randy. You’re mine now, Jack. So sit back, enjoy the ride.” Said Randy.

Randy moved Jack’s head faster and faster as he threw his head back. It was coming, fast. All of a sudden, he stopped. Jack’s head stood still as his mouth became a fountain of white, drizzling all over Randy’s legs and onto the grass. Randy let go and Jack jumped back, spitting and trying to get it all out of his mouth. Just as the dizziness began to fade, Randy walked over. The last thing Jack saw was Randy’s fist hurtling towards him…



A father of five puts on gas mask and a hazard suit, and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked "Dad, what are you wearing?". The father would answer with "A costume for Halloween.". the child asked "can i join?". He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. *after that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.






What's Red,Green and goes 90 miles an hour? A frog in a blender.



What is the difference between a climate change and the green house effect once a philosopher twice a sodomite



What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?

A baby with burst armbands



Person A:Hey,what's the next subject? Person B:Let me check. Person B:It's greenglish!



whats green and sings? ELVIS PARSELY!!!!!



What did the green light say to the red light - don't look I'm changing



Yo mama so ugly when her parents had a gender reveal part the balloon came out green.


I played uno with my mexican friend

That bastard took all the green cards



I have green ball in one hand and one in the other. What am I holding?

Shrieks dick