Tree jokes
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
Why should you stay away from trees? - Because they wanna be leafed alone.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.
The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"
He grabs a noose.
Memes
Why did the bat fall out of the tree?
It couldn’t hang in there.
Q) What do trees call deforestation?
A) TREASON!
Why does a woodpecker have a beak?
So as to not smash his head against the tree.
What's big, green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it can kill you?
A pool table.
Why did the man cut down the tree? Because it was there. 👨🪚🌲
Why didn't the man cut down the tree? Because it wasn't there. 😕🪚!?️
Why did the tree cut down the man? Because it was a bad tree. 🌲🪚😮
How does a tree access the internet?
By logging in and branching out!
If trees could kill you, they wood.
My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.
What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"
Why did the orange fall off the tree? Because he went out on a limb.
What is a dog that is Christmas?
A Christmas tree dog!
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
Nobody:
The Vietcong when America lands on their beaches:
tReE pOwErS aCtIvAtE!
Why did the monster 🧟♀️ put the cook in a bowl?
He wanted a chef salad. 🥗😂
What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
My dick while I'm doing it.