Tree jokes
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.
What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?
Swimming trunks.
How do you get an emo out of a tree? Cut the rope.
What's big, green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it can kill you?
A pool table.
Q) What do trees call deforestation?
A) TREASON!
Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A: To hide up cherry trees.
Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: Giraffes eating cherries.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
I like trees when they are firmly stuck in a hole. PS, your hole.
A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says, "Stop! I'm a magical tree. You can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks, then as he goes to swing the axe he says, "You may be a magical tree... But you will dialogue!"
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"
What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?
I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.
Trees are so social. They're always branching out.
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
Nobody:
The Vietcong when America lands on their beaches:
tReE pOwErS aCtIvAtE!
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
Why should you stay away from trees? - Because they wanna be leafed alone.
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.