Travel jokes

What's the difference between China and New York City?

In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.

I followed the sun for a day (stood there at noon). I found myself at the same spot.

Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.

Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."

What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?

"Want me to pack your shit?"

Let me tell you how I escaped Iraq. Iran! (;)

Chuck Norris doesn't fly on airplanes.

Airplanes fly on Chuck Norris.

There were four people who went to land... only three returned... Why?

They left someone for memories!

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

Time flies by, doesn’t it?

But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.

Why are there no Africans on cruise ships from Africa to America?

Once again, they don't fall for the trick!

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

What do you call a terrible bus company?

Stagecoach Highlands.

Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?

Someone turned off flight mode.

(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)

What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!

If you’re American when you go in the bathroom...

... and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?

European.

I hope you SEA me around later, 'cause I SHORE won't stay here for long.

"Water exists."

Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

Yo, if Russia comes to the USA, just know their reboot cards don't expire.