Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.
Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."
What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?
"Want me to pack your shit?"
Let me tell you how I escaped Iraq. Iran! (;)
Chuck Norris doesn't fly on airplanes.
Airplanes fly on Chuck Norris.
You live in the airport.
Where did George go?
Washington, D.C.
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.
What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
I was on a flight to California, but my next in the Empire State Building.
Yo, if Russia comes to the USA, just know their reboot cards don't expire.
I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
Why did the man go across the train tracks to get to the other side?
Where does a pencil go to vacation? Pennsylvania.
Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.
Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?
Someone turned off flight mode.
(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)
I took a plane to go see my hairline.
What do you call a terrible bus company?
Stagecoach Highlands.
Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.
My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.
So did my friend on the right.
I had a dream of skiing.
