Travel jokes
I've never been to Bradford before until today. While driving through the city center with my dad I asked, "Would you set up a business here?", to which he responded "No".
So I asked "Why not, you'd make us rich!", He gave me a confused face and asked, "How so?".
So I said, "Because sales would be fucking booming!"
I know, it's an awful joke.
What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.
I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.
"What's the wifi password?"
"121i362"
"It's not working."
"What wifi are you trying to connect to?"
"The United Airline."
"We're in the World Trade Center, though."
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.
Two Timetravers walk into a bar...
...the bartender then said, "Sorry, we don't serve Timetravers here."
I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."
And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"
What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?
Next time I’m bringing all my friends.
Why was I angry on my plane? Because I read these stupid 9/11 jokes.
The person next to me on my flight was shocked when they found out I was Arabian. I lagged so hard my gerber almost fell out of my pocket.
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
Where do cows go on a holiday? Moo-Zealand! 😜
Why was the train late?
It kept getting sidetracked.
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.