Travel jokes

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!

Why do birds fly south?

Because it's too far to walk.

I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

Where did George go?

Washington, D.C.

Where does a pencil go to vacation? Pennsylvania.

Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.

You live in the airport.

Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.

My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

What do you call a terrible bus company?

Stagecoach Highlands.

Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?

Someone turned off flight mode.

(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)

Yo, if Russia comes to the USA, just know their reboot cards don't expire.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.

Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

I was on a flight to California, but my next in the Empire State Building.

I hope you SEA me around later, 'cause I SHORE won't stay here for long.

"Water exists."

Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"

If you’re American when you go in the bathroom...

... and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?

European.

Why was the train late?

It kept getting sidetracked.