Travel jokes
You live in the airport.
My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.
I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.
Where does a pencil go to vacation? Pennsylvania.
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
I was on a flight to California, but my next in the Empire State Building.
Yo, if Russia comes to the USA, just know their reboot cards don't expire.
What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!
Why did the steward not receive his passport? Because his face was not valid!
Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.
My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.
So did my friend on the right.
I had a dream of skiing.
What do you call a terrible bus company?
Stagecoach Highlands.
I hope you SEA me around later, 'cause I SHORE won't stay here for long.
Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?
Someone turned off flight mode.
(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)
"Water exists."
Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"
Why was the train late?
It kept getting sidetracked.
Jack and Rose went on a cruise to do it in the water.
Jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.
The 1645 service has been cancelled and has been replaced by a replacement bus service.
EasyJet would like to apologise to all of those who are travelling to Greece.