Worst Jokes Ever
What is black and at the top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking after a house fire.
Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.
Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"
Me: "To reduce the population by one."
Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?
Because it's a battlefield.
Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.
Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
Technoblade would love it here.
What did one depressed kid say to the other?
Hey, wanna hang together?
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said, "a smile."
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.
Going to school is mandatory in this country.
Can you guess my plan?
My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.
Now, my wrists look like a tiger.
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
Michael Jackson broke his window. What does he say? "I can't see."
Why did the plane cross the road? To get to the other tower.
I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.
Stop it! What if a blind person sa- oh wait, never mind, carry on.
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.