Worst Jokes Ever
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What did the octopus say to the other? "Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands."
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
Dear disabled people, Just go into the settings and enable it.
Why did the orphan go to church?
It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.
I'm worth something, I got a barcode on my arm!
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
What’s the best part about sex with twenty eight year olds?
There are twenty of them.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?
One of them won’t clean the oven.