What is speedrunner's favorite type of food? FAST FOOD!
Worst Jokes Ever
Yo mama is so ugly that when she went through a face ID, it didn't think she was human.
Russia—the real joke.
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
Yo mama so fat when she step on a scale it say, "To be continued..."
My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.
My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"
I said: "Why?"
My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"
I said: "KNEW IT!"
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Boo.
"Boo who?"
It's just a joke, no need to cry!
My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.
What do you call identical tall people? Twin Towers.
I went to the “lists of women” page on Wikipedia and it was blank.
Either, Wikipedia is proving women do not exist or John Cena decided to come out as transgender.
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"
Why do orphans commit crimes?
To be wanted.
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
A person could build a playground with your mood swings.
What's Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.
A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"
A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"
She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"
He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?
A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.
