Worst Jokes Ever
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
Why did the Titanic cross the river to get to the bottom?
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
What's an emo's favorite game?
Limbo.
(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but they usually crash and burn.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children.
A kid wanted to ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me. 💀
Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.
I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.
Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.
It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
Bippity Boppity, I'm gonna shoot you off my property!
My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools.
Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.
I got fired from the library. What did I do? I only put a book on women's rights in the fiction section.
I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.