Worst Jokes Ever

What's the difference between yes and no...

Nothing.

My girlfriend called me a "pedophile", and I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old."

You know the difference between me and a zebra? Me neither.

I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...

Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.

A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.

I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.

Simply because they look up to me.

What does Michael Jackson do with his meat? "Just beat it". His song btw lol.

I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.

What is the coolest bath bomb for emos?

A toaster.

I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.

What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.

What makes sad people jump? A bridge.

Dogs can't operate MRI machines.

But cat scan!

A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”

Roses are red. Lemons are sour. Open your legs, so I can devour.

Roses are red, your cities are gone, I am Thomas the thermonuclear bomb.

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

Where did the sheep get a haircut?

At the baa-baa shop.

I called a suicidal hotline in Iraq and they asked me if I could drive a truck.

One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.