Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the girl rage badly when she got an D- on her essay?
Because the teacher said she missed all her periods.
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"
"Dave who?"
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
Why does the nucleus feel trapped?
Because it’s inside a cell!
So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.
Why do Indians hate snow?
Because it's white and all over their land.
I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.
When you accidentally wipe a little too hard and your finger goes up your bumhole, triggering flashbacks of when you were 10 and your uncle stayed a few weeks. 😂
Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.
Slapped cheese on my white friend, told him I like cheese on my crackers.
What did the cake say to the fork?
"Do you want a piece of me!!!"
A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."
I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"
How do you make a plumber sad?
Kill his family.
I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.
God: “Steven, join us.”
*sees the staircase to heaven*
Steven: “Shit.”
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.
What did the mute man tell the blind man?
Nothing.