Worst Jokes Ever
A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”
"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."
Hitler: "Mine less, then."
Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"
Hitler looks over: "Yes?"
Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.
P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?
P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).
P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
Doctor: You don't have long to live. 10...
Patient: Ten what? Ten years, ten months?
Doctor: 9... 8... 7...
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.
How'd she burn the other side? They called back.
Yo mama so dumb, she tried to put m&m's in alphabetical order.
What is the most difficult day in the ghetto?
Father's Day.
In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.
You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.
What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?
A trash can behind the cancer ward.
What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?
A 9mm.
I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.
I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!
Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈
Chuck Norris once took down a fence. Maybe you heard of it, the Berlin Wall.
I got fired from the library. What did I do? I only put a book on women's rights in the fiction section.
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.