Worst Jokes Ever

Why do animals in polar regions have thick fur? Because they don't have a barber! 🤣 🤣 🤣

Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.

Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?

Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.

I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.

What are Michael Jackson's pronouns? "He he."

My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.

Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.

Everyone else in the minefield...

Yo mama so ugly!

The mime broke his 30 year streak of silence!!!!

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.

(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”

A: The chicken.

I told my psychiatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.

What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?

They can't reach 30.

bully: "Your life's a joke."

me: "My life's not a joke, jokes have meaning."

What's a pirate's favorite shop?

Arrrrrrrrgos.

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.

Stephen Hawking once stood up to bow down to Chuck Norris.