Worst Jokes Ever
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
I'm not saying I hate you, but if you got hit by a bus, I'd be driving that bus.
What did one traffic light say to the other?
"Stop looking, I am changing."
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down!
Have you ever tried North Korean food?
Neither have the North Koreans.
What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
When Steven Hawking realizes heaven is only a stairway away.
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.
What did Hitler and Usain Bolt have in common?
They both finished the races.
Chuck Norris wins a staring contest. -- Against Medusa.
Your hairline is so far back, Paw Patrol couldn't finish their mission.
I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
What do you call a single bisexual?
All bi myself.
Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.
Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"
The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."
When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying, I asked her where her parents were. She cried louder. That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage.