Worst Jokes Ever

Where do you buy a dishwasher?

Hot singles in your area.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.

Jack got mad and kicked Jill in the ass because she couldn't make him cum.

You're so poor you wash paper plates.

911, what's your emergency?

Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.

Well, it's not a living room anymore.

Me: Hangs up.

What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?

Mourning wood.

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.

Whenever you're mad, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.

How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.

F is for friends who don't talk to you.

U is for Ur alone.

N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."

My thighs have a different texture pack than the rest of me.

Things to kids:

Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."

A Good Parent: "My baby!"

Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)

What are a group of depressed people called?

A suicide squad.

I'm so depressed that when I smile my Face ID won't work.

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

I've been hit by several things in my life.

Sadly, never a car.