Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Paradise

    • Kid: What is between mom's legs?

    Dad: Paradise.

    Kid: What's between your legs?

    Dad: The key to paradise.

    Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.

  • 5

    • Bomb

    • Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

    The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

  • 13

    • Suicide

    • If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.

    If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.

    It isn't any of those if it's suicide.

  • 1

    • Vampire

    • A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"

    The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."

  • 3

    • Hippo

    • What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

  • 2

    • Blonde

    • Three blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke, each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer.

    So the angel begins telling them the jokes. One of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laughs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said, "This is the last step. If you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass." The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, "What do you ca..." Out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. "Why are you laughing? I haven't even finished the joke yet!" The blonde replies, "I just got the first joke!"

    Priest

    • One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.

    Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.

    A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"

    The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.

    The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"

    "They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."

  • 6

    • Toy

    • I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.

  • 2