Worst Jokes Ever

I was thinking about you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.

What did me and my uncle call hide and seek? Naked and afraid.

You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.

What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?

Craven Morehead.

What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?

The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.

What do you call a bad amputation?

A rip-off.

Carrie Underwood and ChatGPT are not the same. ChatGPT is able to create a soul.

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn’t close his casket.

I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.

A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"

She says, "I'm going to jump!"

The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"

The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"

The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."

The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.

It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.

A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly."

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she went trick or treating on Halloween 2016, the clowns thought she was their supreme leader.

I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"

What is Helen Keller's favorite color? Black.

Someone who was working in the tower must've put their phone on plane mode.

Why are priests called father? Because it's too sus to call them daddy!

A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.

"Was it hung?" her friend asks.

"No, he was shot."