Worst Jokes Ever

I want to die peacefully like my uncle, but I don’t own a car or have a garage.

Lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place, but Chuck Norris does.

You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?

Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.

Jesus created the T-pose first.

Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in, his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said, “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said, “That was the sound of the north wind.” The next day his teacher asked the class, “What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said, “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”

Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?

Because he's dead.

Chuck Norris threw one Pokéball and caught 'em all.

How do you rape a feminist? Tell her you are a woman and she will let you do whatever. You won't even need to force it.

Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic. Hehe.

The doctor told me I had aids. I said, "It's your fault, sister."

I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.

Simply because they look up to me.

What is the coolest bath bomb for emos?

A toaster.

What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.

A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.

You know the difference between me and a zebra? Me neither.

Roses are red. Lemons are sour. Open your legs, so I can devour.

Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!

I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...

Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.

Roses are red, your cities are gone, I am Thomas the thermonuclear bomb.

What does Michael Jackson do with his meat? "Just beat it". His song btw lol.