Worst Jokes Ever

What did the mute man tell the blind man?

Nothing.

A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"

A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"

The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."

The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"

So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.

Why does Donald Trump love little boys? Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little prepubescent cocks.

I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.

My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.

Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.

You were sleeping, it didn't count - Chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))

I bought a guh on the weekend.

(what's a guh?)

GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS! 🥜 🔩 🌰

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

What's an Emo's favorite drink?

Water, JK it's cyanide.

I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?

lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.

I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said, "My turn!"

I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

What's the difference between a white and a black fairytale? White begins with, "Once upon a time..." Black begins with, "Y'all motherf...s ain't gonna believe this sh.."

What do the mafia and pussies have in common?

One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.

Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"

Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"