Worst Jokes Ever

Doctor: You don't have long to live. 10...

Patient: Ten what? Ten years, ten months?

Doctor: 9... 8... 7...

What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?

A ginger with friends.

I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.

How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.

How'd she burn the other side? They called back.

Yo mama so dumb, she tried to put m&m's in alphabetical order.

What is the most difficult day in the ghetto?

Father's Day.

What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?

A 9mm.

Chuck Norris once took down a fence. Maybe you heard of it, the Berlin Wall.

I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.

I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!

Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈

My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.

I got fired from the library. What did I do? I only put a book on women's rights in the fiction section.

I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.

My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.

Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.

Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.

It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.

All orphans must be gay because they are not home o'fobic.

Why did the Titanic cross the river to get to the bottom?

So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children.

A kid wanted to ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me. 💀