Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.

  • 1

    • A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."

  • 2

    • A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."

    "I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

    She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

    After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."

  • 2

    • What's the difference between Freddie Mercury and Princess Diana?

    Freddie lived long enough to be a Queen.

  • 1

    • Why are orphans so bad at poker?

    They don’t know what a full house is!

    Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".

    (And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)

  • 1

    • I have an EpiPen.

    My friend gave it to me while he was dying.

    It seemed really important to him that I have it.

    Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?

    Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.

    Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.