Worst Jokes Ever
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.
Dark humor jokes about orphans are funny because no parents are gonna be told.
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
Why do orphans like Batman? They are 50% like him.
My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
What happened when the emo went through the self-checkout?
Two beeps went off.
Your hairline's so far back that five hour energy became a five day depression.
What's the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
"You wanna play the rape game?" "No." "That's the spirit!"
A vampire goes to the bakery.
Vampire: "One bun, please."
Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"
Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."
My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.
Why do people in Alabama like eating sandwiches? They like things in bread.
Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?
I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.
Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." - Jack Sparrow
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”