Worst Jokes Ever
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?
A byebyesexual.
Got a PS5 for my little brother yesterday, best trade I'd ever done.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
Well, at least the one I fucked did.
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common? Neither of them can see their parents.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back.
"Go big or go home," that's what some people say.
"Go loud and proud," that's what other people say.
"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that's what I say.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.
What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?
My heartbeat.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
What do strippers and peanut butter have in common? They both spread for bread.
I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.
That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
Why do orphans like Batman? They are 50% like him.
My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.