Worst Jokes Ever
Why do orphans like Batman? They are 50% like him.
My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
What happened when the emo went through the self-checkout?
Two beeps went off.
Your hairline's so far back that five hour energy became a five day depression.
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
A vampire goes to the bakery.
Vampire: "One bun, please."
Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"
Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."
"You wanna play the rape game?" "No." "That's the spirit!"
What's the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.
Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.
"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." - Jack Sparrow
Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Why doesn’t Pakistan have any football teams?
Every corner they get, they open a shop on it!
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."
What’s black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
What do you call a white guy with a 10 inch cock?
Asleep. Because that motherfucker's dreaming.
What's the difference between Freddie Mercury and Princess Diana?
Freddie lived long enough to be a Queen.