Worst Jokes Ever
My handicapped friend was getting bullied. I said, "Just stand up for yourself!"
Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.
A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.
What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?
Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".
There's no smoke or fire without a Muslim.
What does a lesbian and a sea turtle have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.
You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
I found out how to gain millions of followers.
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.
No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.
His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "Sad"
Teacher: "Anyway, is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your parents!"
What was the last hat Princess Diana wore?
A bonnet.
Like if your best friend is emo.
Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?
"Everywhere."
Why was the orphan's first phone an iPhone X? Because it didn't have a home button.
What does a rock and a girl have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.