Worst Jokes Ever
When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?
Why are lesbians bad at math?
Because they can't multiply.
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
How did the black woman name her 4 babies?
Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.
How did she differentiate them?
She called them by their last names.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. My friend's already on stage 4.
A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
Why did the orphan want to become a prostitute?
To get a daddy.
There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.
Can I get a HOYA?
My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
What do you call an Irish lesbian? A gay lick.
What kind of bee makes milk?
Boo Bees
What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'
'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'
Everybody misses Xxxtentacion, but the bullet didn't...
Why did Billy fall off his bike?
Because his dad threw a chair at him.
Orphan: "Why can’t I watch a PG movie?"
Me: "They are Parental Guidance."