Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Vampire

    • A vampire goes to the bakery.

    Vampire: "One bun, please."

    Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"

    Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."

  • 3

    • Banana

    • Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

    This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.

  • 5

    • Baby

    • A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”

    The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”

    The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

  • 2

    • Boss

    • A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."

    "I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

    She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

    After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."

  • 2

    • Dick

    • A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

    You need to be a complete dick.

  • 1

    • Dynamite

    • A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."

  • 2

    • EpiPen

    • I have an EpiPen.

    My friend gave it to me while he was dying.

    It seemed really important to him that I have it.

  • 1

    • Kelly Clarkson

    • Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".

    (And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)

  • 1