What's the difference between Kelly Clarkson and a Florida real estate agent?
A Florida real estate agent screws over seniors, Kelly Clarkson screws little children.
These ain't jokes. These are just sad truths.
What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?
"Pikachu, I choose you!"
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween?
Free delivery.
Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.
I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.
If you watch "Jaws" backward, it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs ;)
What's the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
It's statistically proven that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
what do you call 6 gay men in WWII?
Rainbow Six Siege.
I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.
Why can't a Muslim woman give head to an American cop?
She doesn't eat pigs.
What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mercedes?
I don’t have a Mercedes.
What show does an orphan hate?
Family Guy.
What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?
A kindergarden.
