Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mercedes?

I don’t have a Mercedes.

When I was 14, my mum caught me wanking, and she slapped me across the face. A couple weeks later, my dad caught me having a beer, and he made me drink 40 beers. I just thought, "Well, I'm glad he didn't catch me wanking."

There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."

I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on Father's Day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.

  • 1

    • You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"

  • 2

    • Having homosexual parents must be terrible.

    Either you have a double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in a cycle of "go ask your mom".

  • 2

    • When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.

  • 0

    • Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?

    Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.

  • 1

    • If Mexico is an unredeemable shithole, then how come the Republicans' favorite senator, Ted Cruz, ran to Mexico as fast as he could after a little bit of snow in his home?

  • 1

    • I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.