Worst Jokes Ever
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."
I used to think that I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagi-asian.
What is the most famous dish in Africa?
Don't know, they haven't tried it yet.
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
Yo mama so dumb, when the bartender said "beer is on the house" she grabbed a ladder.
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?
"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."
What do you call a fat midget?
Jigglypuff.
What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?
Netflix and pill.
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
Which is Ronaldo's favorite son, Matteo or Cristiano Junior?
Neither. His favorite is San Marino, perfect for stat-padding with tap-ins and penalties!
Yo momma's so fat, her shirt size has more X's than Taylor Swift.
What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maid: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.
It's in my basement.