Worst Jokes Ever
I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"
Twin Towers? No plane, plane targets.
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?”
Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.
Why don’t violists play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
What is the difference between orphans and serial killers?
Serial killers are wanted.
What you call suicide, I call a failed speedrun attempt.
When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?
"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
What does my family and the Twin Towers have in common? We both played Jenga.
What do you call a sped kid in a wheelchair that caught on fire?
Hot Wheels.
LewenGOALski
What do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things sped up.
What falls down the building and doesn't get up again?
An emo.
An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.
Are you a building because I rate you a 9/11?
Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?
One arrived plain, one came in late, one went to the wrong address, and the other one never came.
Found this girl in Hawaii.
Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."
Why did the orphan become a str1pper?
So she can have someone to call daddy.
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”