Worst Jokes Ever
What did the cow say to its udders? "Hi."
What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.
What is the difference between a condom and an orphan?
One of them is used.
Have you ever seen a blind man swim?
Neither has he.
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
What did one copper say to the other? C U.
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
Roses are red, I'm not a boaster.
Elon must've got rushed to the hospital after impregnating a toaster.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maid: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?
Hiroshima, Japan 1946.
I played the Angry Birds theme while watching a 9/11 documentary.
What do you call a fat midget?
Jigglypuff.