Worst Jokes Ever

Why do midgets work at Tesco?

Because every little helps.

What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.

What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.

What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.

Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.

Cannibal eats missionary, gets a taste for religion.

If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.

Why can’t Indian women drive?

They’re too used to riding their camels.

Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"?

Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.

Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.

Your forehead's so big, when you were being born, the doctors thought you had no face.

I got my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful cunt sat in his wheelchair all day.

One day you see a girl climb a pole and ask her, "Why are you climbing that pole?" "Because a boy paid me to." "He did that to see your underwear." "Oh. Ok."

The next day you see her do the same thing. "Why are you doing the same thing?" "Well, I got him this time. I did not wear underwear."

"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."

"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."

Roses are red, violets are blue. I've got 5 fingers, she will get 2.

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.

What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."

I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.

Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.

What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

My mum's a carrot.

Yo mama so dumb, when the bartender said "beer is on the house" she grabbed a ladder.

What do you call a fat midget?

Jigglypuff.