Worst Jokes Ever
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other side.
Mother Nature deserves a traffic ticket.
Summer is speeding by way too fast. 🤣🤣🤣
What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? Walking, JK Rowling.
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
The Titanic is now a resort for fish.
What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?
Harry made it out of the chamber.
I got kicked out of the library because I put the woman's right book in the non-fiction section.
What does an orphan call a kidnapping?
A surprise adoption.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
What's the fastest thing on earth?
An Ethiopian with a McDonald's Voucher.
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
I saw an orphan crying the other day, so I asked, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage :)
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game? Adopt Me.
Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.
Once I saw Donald Trump and an orange and couldn’t tell the difference 😂