Worst Jokes Ever
Why can't people with Tourette's learn to drive?
Because they'll cause a car crash.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn. It's impeccable.
What is Saturn's favorite movie?
Lord of the Rings.
What do you call people who jump into the Hoover Dam?
Dam fools.
"I hope my death would make more sense than my life."- Joker
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
I was at an emotional wedding. The cake was in tiers.
So a blind man walks into a bar.
At least he thinks so.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.
One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"
what song did people in Hiroshima listen to?
"Here Comes the Sun."
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
Me: I know why you don't have friends.
Kid: Why?
Me: Because you can't even figure that out.
Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?
You have to look down to see him.
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual assault?
Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.
A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."
Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.