Catholic priest jokes
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.
"What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.
"There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head.
"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.
"Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
What is an Italian massage?
An Italian Catholic priest giving a blowjob inside the confessional booth during Lent.
A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"
And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."
And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"
And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."
Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent?
Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent.
Why did the Polish Roman Catholic priest remove zippers from the pants of gay men in the LGBT community?
Because he lost his key to his house and he was desperate to get back inside of his house and he thought that one of keys to their zippers would be able to unlock the door of his house.
What did the racist Catholic priest say?
"Martin Luther? Not my king!"
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?
A Catholic priest.
Why did the Italian American Roman Catholic priest perform fellatio on gay men at the glory hole inside the adult bookstore?
Someone asked him what would he do for a Klondike Bar?
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?
Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.