Worst Jokes Ever
What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.
roses are red, unlike the rest, I'm the one who has your IP address.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.
What did the autistic kid order at a restaurant?
A disorder.
Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
Dark humor never gets old, like kids from Africa.
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.
What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?
There is no difference.
They both got split open by a huge log.
Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing?
A: A knife has a point.
What kind of bagel can fly?
A plain.
What is the most musical part of a chicken?
The drumstick.
What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.
A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday.
She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, “I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”
“About 32,” is the reply.
“Nope! I’m exactly 50,” the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, “I’d guess about 29.” The woman replies with a big smile, “Nope, I’m 50.”
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, “Oh, I’d say 30.”
Again she proudly responds, “I’m 50, but thank you!”
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, “Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.”
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, “What the hell, go ahead.”
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, “Okay, okay... How old am I?”
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, “Madam, you are 50.”
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, “That was incredible, how could you tell?”
“I was behind you at McDonalds’."
I popped some fireworks and told my Vietnamese grandfather that World War 3 started.
Why is Johnson's baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
I have 5 fingers and the middle one is for you
I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.