Worst Jokes Ever
What's an astronaut's favorite candy? A Milky Way!
Why did the hooker quit her job?
She had a nut allergy.
Teacher: Okay class, what's a word that begins with A?
Student: Apple!
Teacher: Good! What's a word beginning with B?
Student:....Bitch...
How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.
This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
What's worse than ants in your pants? Michael Jackson.
Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...
"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"
"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."
Roses are red, violets are violets, my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good pilot.
How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Well, it's not 53, 'cause my basement's still dark.
what's flat and great for cutting? me.
How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?
Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.
Your forehead is so big, your mom spent half of the time in the delivery room giving birth to just your head.
All orphans must be gay because they are not home o'fobic.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.
Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?
Because they always like to come in a little behind.
I forgot the joke.
Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?
They've been rear-ended too many times.