Worst Jokes Ever
Slapped cheese on my white friend, told him I like cheese on my crackers.
Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.
Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?"
Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now."
Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff."
Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."
Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?
They've been rear-ended too many times.
Real quick, I'm autistic, and if anyone asks, I absolutely love some of these jokes. XD I found this while doing some research for a paper.
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
Why couldn't the astronaut put the helmet on his head?
Because he didn't have enough space.
No means no, but if you use chloroform, it’s a guaranteed yes.
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
What did the orphan say to the crippled man?
I suffer from crippling depression.
Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...
"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"
"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
Why are Indians such good actors?
Most of them are phone scammers.
How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?
Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.
All orphans must be gay because they are not home o'fobic.
What did Hitler feel about all the jokes about him? Führereous.
Why did the transgender girl want to be a boy?
Because momma never raised no pussy.
What do you call children born from incest?
Gross Domestic Product.
What did one iceberg say to the other iceberg as the Titanic went by?
"I'd smash that."
Note to self.
When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".
Google "cream pie recipes".