Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
What do you call an emo filming their suicide?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
Roses are red, potato chips are savory...
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?
I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems... if I could just get the right people to try it.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Abortion clinics are kind of like NAZI gas chambers. Less people come out than go in.
Chuck Norris can drift with a horse.
Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?
Son: A ugly girl.
Dad: Why not a pretty girl?
Son: A pretty one might run away.
Dad: So an ugly one might too.
Son: Yeah, but who cares?
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?
Well, he’s all right now!
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
Do you want to play Titanic?
When I say iceberg, you go down on me.
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"
Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say "forgive and forget". They are really obedient.
Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Your mom isn't here because she doesn't love you.
The depressed kid getting bullied.
The bully: "You are useless."
The depressed kid: "I know."
What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.