Worst Jokes Ever

A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.

The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were two separate events.

What’s ten feet long and bald?

The conga line in the cancer ward.

You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.

One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.

What does a cannibal and a spider have in common?

Both have eight legs.

Why was the orphan walking through the neighborhood? I don't know, either. It's not like he has a home to go to.

Dark humor is like water. Some people get it, some people don't.

I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...

When Bob the Builder looks at your hairline, he says, "We can't fix that."

Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.

All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.

I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.

I apologize for my grammar.

Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson, and Marilyn Manson all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Why don't you take a seat, right over there?" Turns out the bartender was Chris Hansen himself.

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?

When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Why can't blind people eat fish? Because it's sea food.

I got my son a trampoline for his birthday.

The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the whole time.

A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”

St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”

I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.