Worst Jokes Ever

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.

When you're working in the Twin Towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi.

What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.

Wives are like grenades. Pull the ring, and the house is gone.

Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.

I hate myself.

I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.

A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."

Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.

A professor was talking about the American dream. Then, he asked the German exchange student if there was a German dream, to which the student replies, "We did, but no one liked it."

I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.

What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)

One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.

In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"

The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."

In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"

The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."

In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"

The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."

Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"

Yo momma is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."

Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp!

My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repeatedly told him to look where he was going.

What kind of dreams do hotels have?

Suite dreams.

In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...

So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."

I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."