Worst Jokes Ever
How do you punish a blind guy?
You leave a plunger in the toilet.
Roses are red. Violets are too. You better run, I’m following you!
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.
If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
Helen Keller deaf-initely faked it!
My grandfather died in 9/11.
He was a great pilot.
What is an Emo's favorite way to Cosplay?
Dress up as a piñata!
Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen.
"Are those brownies I smell?" he asks.
"Indeed, they are," he was told.
"Gee," he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts!"
Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.
What do 9-11 and a fighter have in common? They both have a one-two combo.
Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: "Asperger's."
Dark humor never gets old, like kids from Africa.
Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways, wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes.
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.
What did the autistic kid order at a restaurant?
A disorder.
What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?
There is no difference.
They both got split open by a huge log.