"Doctor, I'm shrinking!"
"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."
Worst Jokes Ever
What show does an orphan hate the most? Modern Family.
Mother Nature deserves a traffic ticket.
Summer is speeding by way too fast. 🤣🤣🤣
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other side.
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
What do you call an orphan family tree?
A tree stump.
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
What do you call a bunch of sheep rolling down the hill?
A. A lamb slide.
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
What is red and cries and spins around and around?
- A baby in a microwave.
What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.
I have a lot of respect for trans women.
That surgery takes balls!
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."
