Worst Jokes Ever

Bf: What do you think about our love?

Gf: Count the stars in the sky.

Bf: Aww, it's infinity.

Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.

What is a bald eagle's favorite dog breed?

A beagle!

Spongebob and Jacko have one thing in common.

They both routinely place meat in small buns.

So, I was going out the door and I see my dwarf neighbor at the bus stop. I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with "fu.. off." So, I zip up my backpack and keep going to work.

I hate myself.

Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.

If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”

Yo momma is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."

Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.

A professor was talking about the American dream. Then, he asked the German exchange student if there was a German dream, to which the student replies, "We did, but no one liked it."

Wives are like grenades. Pull the ring, and the house is gone.

What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.

I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.

In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...

A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."

What kind of dreams do hotels have?

Suite dreams.

Why do horses eat with their mouth open?

Because they have bad stable manners.

I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."

Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?

Because they can’t ketchup.

What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?

They both light up the room.