9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
Worst Jokes Ever
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
What do you call an emo filming their suicide?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.
When you're working in the Twin Towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi.
Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"
What has 4 wheels, 2 legs, and loves his shoulder?
Stephen Hawking.
Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."
Me: "Why did you?"
Mom: "I was very drunk..."
Explains a lot...
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say "forgive and forget". They are really obedient.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Your mom isn't here because she doesn't love you.
The depressed kid getting bullied.
The bully: "You are useless."
The depressed kid: "I know."
What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?
They both have no way home!
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.
If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.
What is an Emo's favorite way to Cosplay?
Dress up as a piñata!
I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?
Helen Keller deaf-initely faked it!
My grandfather died in 9/11.
He was a great pilot.
