Worst Jokes Ever

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? Stephen can't walkie and Stephen can't talkie.

What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday?.... Christmas because everything is hanging.

My memes are ironic, but my depression is chronic.

Me: Have you ever went sky diving?

Friend: No.

Me: Well don't, it sucks.

Friend: Why?

Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.

Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?

He kept cutting in line.

*School shooting happens* Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk* American student: "First time?"

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.

Everything disappears in the Bermuda Triangle.

Except my depression.

best friend makes 9/11 joke.

you: "hey, my dad was inside the tower."

best friend: "I'm sorry."

you: "I always knew he was a great pilot."

The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"

I said, "Sexy."

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.

A man went to the library and asked for a book about suicide. The librarian said, "Go away, you won’t bring it back."

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.

Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!" Genie: "Wish granted!" When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.