Worst Jokes Ever

Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?

What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman? Batman returns.

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a frog?

One jumps in ponds, the other leaps over the border. :)

So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."

What did the woman on the beach say to Michael Jackson? Hey, get out of my sun!

Yo mama so ugly, she went to the bathroom and scared the sh*t out of the toilet.

Friend: "You are so ugly." Me: "You can't be talking, you give Freddy Krueger nightmares."

I feel bad for the people who died in 2001. Those poor terrorists died doing their job.

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?

Honey, I'm home!

I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems... if I could just get the right people to try it.

Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?

Why are Indians such good actors?

Most of them are phone scammers.

Abortion clinics are kind of like NAZI gas chambers. Less people come out than go in.

So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?

Son: A ugly girl.

Dad: Why not a pretty girl?

Son: A pretty one might run away.

Dad: So an ugly one might too.

Son: Yeah, but who cares?

Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?

Well, he’s all right now!

Do you want to play Titanic?

When I say iceberg, you go down on me.