Worst Jokes Ever
I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl of chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.
My friend has a dry sense of humor.
Probably because her body was decomposed ages ago.
What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.
What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?
Men toes.
Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.
Dad: Rubbing on the horse’s chest and butt.
Little Johnny: What are you doing?
Dad: Checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it.
Little Johnny: Oh well, I think the mall man wants to buy mom.
What is the New York fireman's favorite song?
It's raining men.
What's worse than 3 babies in one trashcan?
One baby in three trashcans.
What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?
When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)
Why is Sam Ryan a redditor? Because he is.
Q: What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?
A: I'd hit that.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to the top of your ego and jump to your IQ.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.
What do you call a fight between an illegal immigrant and a pedophile? Alien vs Predator.
What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
A stab wound.
Women are like the Twin Towers. After you smash them, and if some little people start jumping out, the government is gonna tax the shit outta you.
Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.
what do you call a suicide bomber that loves water? a bath bomb.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.