Worst Jokes Ever
You're so fat, no one was laughing, but the floor was cracking!
I wish my grass were emo because then it would cut itself.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple gets picked.
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
What’s a skeleton's favorite instrument?
The trom-BONE.
It's been 2 years since I've been on this. Hello, guys!
Q. What's the difference between a CEO and a deer?
A. You don't normally fuck the deer after you've shot it.
Your entire family tree must be a cactus, because everyone in your family is such a prick.
Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
Dmitri! Where's my vodka?
Are you a toaster?
Because I wanna take a bath with you.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What's black and long?
- The line at KFC.
What's black and long? A line at KFC.
Why did my foot cross the road?
Because your ass was on the other side.
What do you call a dog that tells the time?
A watchdog.
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
I was going to buy a watch today, but I didn't have time.
What is another name for a stupid fish?
"Dum bass."
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving; you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.