Worst Jokes Ever

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.

Why can't blind people eat fish?

Because it's sea food.

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."

You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.

One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.

All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.

April Fools' joke: Go to an orphanage and say your parents came back.

Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.

Broccoli is like anal sex.

If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

When Bob the Builder looks at your hairline, he says, "We can't fix that."

What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.

I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.

A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"

I got my son a trampoline for his birthday.

The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the whole time.

A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”

St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”

I asked an emo, "Do they get jealous when their phone dies?"

Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven. Oh, wait... nevermind...

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.

I wish my dad was home. I haven’t seen him since the shot of 2008.