Worst Jokes Ever
I hope there is a lift to heaven. I shouldn’t be making jokes though.
What does Helen Keller say when she touches a basketball?
Duhhuuughhhr.
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"
What's a pedophile's favorite place to go in?
Kum and Go.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
A hand of Pepsi murdered a Coca Cola. An innocent Sprite yelled, "Quick! Call Dr. Pepper!"
Eventually, a 7-Up called Dr. Pepper. The Coca Cola was fine.
What can a rock possibly say?
Answer: I'll fuck ya mum rock hard.
What's the first thing you say in anal sex..... "Holy shit!"
What's worse than five babies stapled to one tree?
One baby stapled to five trees.
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?
High steaks gambling.
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Without other people's dicks in it.
I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.
What did mama cow say to baby cow? -- "It's pasture bedtime."
Me and my friend were duck hunting.
He shot 5 ducks in one shot. Then he shot by accident and yelled "DUCK!" then "MOTHERDUCKER!" Then ducks came down and one by one bit him.
What did the pimp order at the Chinese restaurant?
He ordered some cock-bang-ho.
Asian Grading scale: A- Average.
B- Half Average.
C- Stupid idiot!
D- FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN DO CALCULUS!
F- FORGOTTEN FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN GET A JOB AT MCDONALDS!
A scientist discovered water on Mars. Mars 1, Africa 0.
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.