Worst Jokes Ever
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
What do you call a house party for slaves?
An auction house.
What do you call a gay pride parade that was ran over?
Rainbow road.
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
Yo mama is so fat, she falls off both sides of the bed.
I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.
President Biden ordered an F16 missile attack to destroy the Chinese spy balloon.
Americans are thrilled. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation.
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
Q: What's red during puberty?
A: The blood on my hands.
Friend: Name one gay person off the top of your head.
Me: Me.
What [is] another name for an abortion?
Canceling your delivery.
Why should you always wear rubber?
So you don’t leave DNA evidence.
What's the hardest part of being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
What do you do when your cat's dead?
Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.
Why did Joe Biden pull out of the Afghanistan war?
Because it was over 18 years old.
Random couple after their first night:
Husband: It was very tasty. 🥵
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: Does anyone had taste it before?
Wife: ☠️
Yo mama so fat the scale said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."
What do you call a woman covered in mud? A dirty dishwasher.
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.