Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call an Indian babysitter?

Nanny.

My nan coughed and threw up a lung. Now she is dead.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of screaming children.

Dick.

Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?

There is a small medium at large.

2 + 2 is 4, minus one, that's 3. Quick maths.

Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.

The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.

*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...

How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Lean beef.

When you kill people in a war, it's perfectly fine, but when it's a school, everyone has a problem with it, wth.

Why is it so hard to make a party on Earth?

Because you need to planet.

A boy walks into the bedroom and sees mom and dad having sex. The boy says, "What are you doing?"

"Baking a cake."

The next day he walked up to his mom doing dishes.

"Remember when you were making a cake? I LICKED UP ALL THE FROSTING."

Q: What is a Mexican's favorite restaurant?

A: On The Border.

What's the difference between a car and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a car in my garage.

What's long, hard, and has cum in it?

A cuCUMber.

What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?

High steaks gambling.

Hellen Keller once said, "love is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel," but of course she said it like this "fbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb."

There was one girl. She met 5000 guys. She had sex with each of them seven times. She became... - flip screen (=).