Worst Jokes Ever

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?"

What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?

A box of crackers.

What does Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common?

They're both made of plastic and children turn them on.

What did the drunk woman say to the man after leaving the bar?

"Alcohol, you later!"

Uranus is huge.

Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."

Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."

Why did Stephen Hawking and his wife stop playing hide and seek? She kept using a metal detector.

How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.

When you go to Incestry.com instead of Ancestry.com.

A student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick, and the guy was about to nut.

The school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone.

A blind teenager who is bad at reading wants to go hunting, so he finds a hunting ground called s-ch-ool.

What is black and white and red all over?

JFK

A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."

What do you call a downy under water?

Dead fish

What do you call a planet that poops? Uranus.

For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.

I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.

What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs?

Names.

So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).

Where would you take Stephen Hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC World?