Worst Jokes Ever

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

Have you heard of Imagine Dragons (the band)? Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.

I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!

What do you call a stripper in a wheelchair?

Hot wheels.

Michael Jackson's nose is so steep, it can be a ski ramp.

You looking for jokes? I have one: your life.

What did the pilots say before crashing into the Twin Towers?

"We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we go through it!"

Been watching Smackdown DVDs, and I'm so erect right now. I'm so bricked up.

What's Jack's favorite flower? A rose.

I got 99 problems but a chin ain't one.

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.

Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.

A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.

Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.

Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!

Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?

Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...

What did the emo say before he crossed the road?

"Fuck my life."

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.

I figured I would steel it and put it on this site. I mean, it was either that, or lose it forever.

Why did the electron leave the atom?

Because it had its ion someone else.

What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?

His teeth.

What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman?

Frostbite!