Worst Jokes Ever
Where do sheep go to shop?
Woolmart.
Two cows were hiding.
One said: "Moooo."
The other one said: "Shut up! We're hiding!"
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
Why did the Mushroom get invited to so many parties?
He was a fungi!
What was the computer's best pickup line?
Nice bits!
Q: Why did Sally fall off the building?
A: Her dad pushed her.
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
"Don't worry, you can keep the tip."
My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house.
Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood.
Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job.
My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I'm good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.
My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.
As a hobby, I started taking walks around the old clock tower.
It's a great way to pass the time.
So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.
Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
Jack and Jill went up a hill
To pick some dill.
Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,
And he needed a painkiller pill.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite game? Jacks.
Why? He loved to play with the little balls.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, and the condom ripped; now they have a daughter.
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
What's the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?
Pikachu, I choose you!