Worst Jokes Ever
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Egg surprise!
True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.
(Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)
A computer is a HARDware device. How come someone still feels it is MicroSOFT?
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
To make up her mind.
I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.
It really gave me a hard time indeed.
So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"
So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."
What do you call a sad coffee?
Despresso.
Do you know what the "W" in Africa stands for? Water!
What makes a child an orphan?
Their parents left them for good. :D
When you step on the weighing scale, it shows your phone number!
Why did the female dicktator get fired? She had too much dick!
Why does Hitler need glasses?
Because he could Nazi.
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.
“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”
“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
Did you know about 9 months after a power outage 50% more babies are born because it is dark?
Why does an orphan play GTA?
To get wanted.
What do you call it when a white person beats a black person?
A KKKO.
Why did Michael Jackson rush over to K-Mart one morning?
Because he heard little boys' pants were half off!
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Michael Jackson.
What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?
One had the last supper.