Worst Jokes Ever
What was Jesus's favorite sport?
Lacrosse.
What is the best game for a deaf person?
Charades.
I saw two deaf people talking shit about me in sign language.
So I turned off the lights.
What’s the most played song in Africa?
Have you ever seen the rain?
Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"
Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"
Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."
Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"
Husband: "Gold, of course!"
Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."
An officer confronts two congressmen.
He informs them, \"I’m looking for a couple of child molesters.\"
The two look at each other, turn to the officer and exclaim, \"Sure! We’ll do it!\"
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.
I’m just kidding.
What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.
I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
What do you call a disabled person who gets high?
Baked potato.
Everybody was kung flu dying.
It traveled as fast as lightning.
2020 was expert timing.
In fact, it was a little bit frightening.
Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
What do orphans call family pictures?
A selfie.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"
Why do cow milking stools only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder!