Worst Jokes Ever

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

I actually want peace, not war.

That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.

Ukrainians leave without saying goodbye.

Russians say goodbye without leaving.

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.

The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.

The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”

The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”

Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?

So no one would know what side he was on.

Why can Elsa hold a balloon? She will "Let It Go"!

Why did the cop show up early to the protest? To beat the crowd.

what do baby’s and grenades have in common?

They both are silent but then when thrown at someone make a loud noise

I got detention for giving an emo kid a glow stick... I tried to lighten his spirit.

If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"

Yo mama so fat when she went to the movie theater, she sits next to everyone.

Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."

What's big and white and can't climb trees?

A fridge.

How do I fix a broken light bulb? I don't. I simply blow up the house.

The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, then they got plane.

Why was 10 scared?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

How much alcohol does JFK prefer to drink?

3 shots.

Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.

I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.

It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.