Worst Jokes Ever
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
Why don’t you see gay orphans at a daycare?
They have no one to call "daddy."
When you realize you forgot to mop your room, you hear footsteps.
My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
A couple were trying new things in the bedroom to spice up their marriage. The husband would blindfold the wife, put on a condom and she would guess the flavor. They did this one time a night.
The first night, she put the blindfold on and he put the condom on his dick and she tasted it, she immediately knew it was strawberry. The second night, the same thing happened except it was banana. The third night, she put the blindfold on and tasted his dick and said, "Eww it tastes like cheese and onions." The husband replied, "Hang on I haven't put the condom on yet."
Why does a milking stool have 3 legs?
Because the cow has the udder one.
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Why is America so bad at chess?
They lost both of their towers.
What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!
Why don’t cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
What is a paedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
Free delivery XD
If olive oil is made of olives, then baby oil is made of...
What do you call a fat transgender midget?
Jigglypuff.
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.