Worst Jokes Ever
What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.
Apple made a new product for Chinese people called the iOpener.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.
Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.
Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.
So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.
I’m just kidding.
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One's a good year, and one's a great year.
What do you call a person with no arms?
Armless.
No, it's harmless.
Why can't a steam locomotive sit down?
Because it has a tender behind.
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.
Your hairline is so far back it was friends with the dinosaurs!
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
Why are Black people getting stronger?
Because the TVs are getting bigger.
I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.