Worst Jokes Ever
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
Who did the cow want to hang with?
The udders.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One's a good year, and one's a great year.
Your hairline is so far back it was friends with the dinosaurs!
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
Apple made a new product for Chinese people called the iOpener.
I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.
What movie do orphans relate to? Home Alone.
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”
Person #2: “No, you can have it.”
Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”
TEST QUESTION: what looks like half an apple?
My cousin: the other half.
What do you call a person with no arms?
Armless.
No, it's harmless.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
What was the name of the Mexican that lost his car?
Carlos.
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.