Worst Jokes Ever
There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but nobody cares about you.
My mom got a clown for my birthday, but it ended up being my sister. 🤡
Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
Why were the Twin Towers traumatized about eating?
After someone said, "HERE COMES THE AIR PLANE(s)," it just wasn't the same..........
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
This is how big cats were named.
"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."
"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?
Because you cannot break the ice.
An officer confronts two congressmen.
He informs them, \"I’m looking for a couple of child molesters.\"
The two look at each other, turn to the officer and exclaim, \"Sure! We’ll do it!\"
Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?
Because they practice at the best schools.
Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?
All his comebacks take three days.
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"