Worst Jokes Ever
Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”
Your forehead's so big, it's built like Megamind's robot, period.
People say I should be proud of my autism, but truth be told, I'm only in it for the help in class.
Why shouldn’t you pick on a midget with learning difficulties?
... Because it’s not big and it’s not clever.
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
JFK did a good job spreading around on his final speech.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
What do you call a short black person?
By their name, you racist!
What is the hardest part of twerking?
Being black.
A pedophile is playing poker with 8 seven-year-olds.
The pedophile has a pair of 7's and three 4's in the river. He smiles and says, "Yay, I got me a full house!"
9/11... 911... COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT!
Commander: "Fire a warning shot."
Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."
Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."
Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*
Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"
There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
What is blue but smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.