Worst Jokes Ever

Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.

I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

Here's how to piss off all of North America.

All the United States is, is South Canadia.

I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.

An Irish guy walks out of a bar....

What songs do people with no arms listen to?

None, 'cause they can’t press play.

What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?

Baby Jesus died a virgin.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not! He got nailed before he died.

Where do sick boats go? The dock!

Things you never want to do in jail:

- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.

I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.

I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...

Allahu Akbar!

What is the hardest part of twerking?

Being black.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"

Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"

Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

At least when I fucked it.

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.

There's two types of emo people:

1. People that cut side to side.

2. And people that cut up and down.

The most efficient is up and down.