Worst Jokes Ever

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?

9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.

What did the titanic say as it was sinking?

I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

What's the difference between a Palestinian and SpongeBob's Sandy Cheeks?

One is living in a bubble, the other one in rubble.

Why are there no Walmarts in Palestine?

There are Targets everywhere.

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.

He said it was the most violent book he ever read.

What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?

In the U.K., it's a swear word.

In America, it's a family reunion.

What's the difference between a black and a white fairy tale? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, "Y'all mutherfuckers ain't gonna believe dis shit."

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. Why? I don't know Y.

What type of pizza did the twin towers order?

Plain.

When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.

Withered Bonnie, more like Bonnie Mcnutt!

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.

What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?

A man was mowing his lawn when blue and red stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew, a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.

What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.

Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.

When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!